To My Husband

Nick,

I think one of the reasons our discussion came to an “impasse” (I’m not so sure it did, but I can understand that you probably got tired of my “attacks”) is that we have a fundamentally different notion of Church. You acknowledged that the Church is our way to God, and that is fundamentally, deeply true. You emphasized that we humans don’t know Him very well because of fallenness, ignorance, and so on, and so we have to look to the Church. Agreed.

But here is a difference that I see. While you continue to strongly assert your faith and confidence in the Catholic Church as the True Church, with teaching authority, deserving of loyalty/obedience even when you don’t understand (to me, “blind faith”), and so on, I look at Church (the Orthodox Church) differently, as a guide, as a context, as full of wise teachers (and some not-so-wise ones), with long, long experience — and having gone through endless vicissitudes. I don’t have a problem trying to discern and criticize and find what is true (for whatever the present difficulty is) about its teachings. It’s not a lack of trust on my part that the Orthodox Church is the “true Church” or that it knows the way to God (quite the contrary). Unlike you, my trust is in not in an “institution” per se, I mean, in an organization or hierarchy or “endowed structure” (founded by Christ, guaranteed by God, or however you want to put it), apart from what it does in fact teach, say, and do — regarding how to get to God. To me, the Catholic Church is always pointing at itself, saying, “Come here; be here; stay here; listen to us”; while the Orthodox Church is always pointing to God, saying, “Go to Him, find Him, worship Him, know Him.” That’s the difference.

Now that’s not to say Orthodox people don’t have an increasing sense of churchy-ness, especially here in the west and among converts, for whom “finding the true church” is the biggest problem. It’s not to say the Orthodox Church won’t claim to be the true Church, have the fullness of the faith, and so on — making the exact same claims as the Catholic Church does for itself. But when it gets right down to it, the Orthodox Church, being true to who/what it is, is all about God, not “Church.” The Orthodox Church isn’t terribly self-reflective about itself.

(This was a huge dilemma to Orthodox scholars when they first entered “ecumenical” discussions in the 20th century. Orthodoxy seemed to have no “ecclesiology.” Scholars say that if you look at the Fathers, they never talk about “the Church” either. “The Church” just IS —> and it points.)

The Catholic Church, when it does not point to itself saying “Listen to me,” these days always seems to be pointing at (and yelling about) the world and its evils. You know the litany. Catholics also point to themselves: the whole “Catholic guilt” thing Ben Baran was always talking about. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. OR… if and when it points to God, the Catholic Church points to Him dead, crucified, bloody, “suffering for our sins” on the Cross — the Jesus of the Passion movie — letting us know in no uncertain terms that we put Him there, and are guilty, guilty, guilty. How we have offended God by all we have done. How much He has every right to wipe us out (as Fr. Wolfe said on Christmas morning) — yet He decides to go and beat up and kill His Son instead, to assuage His righteous indignation and offended wrath and make “payment” for our sins. (Do I caricature too much?)

It’s not really a Good News way of pointing to God, is it? Certainly not for the “modern world.” So the Catholic Church, for the most part, rather than point at that Jesus (except in the movie), points at itself, points at abortion, points at the guilty fallenness of Catholics (and all sinners, repentant and unrepentant), focuses on the family, wraps itself up in apologetics and Thomistic intellectualism, and so on. It’s a something-for-everyone package, no doubt.

And, yes, the Catholic Church has its tender side, somewhere buried in there, usually under bizarre, smarmy “devotions” involving brown-haired, blue-eyed, white-robed Jesuses pointing at glowing and exposed “sacred hearts” — or something. Or blue-robed madonnas gazing up longingly at white, puffy clouds. It did better with Michelangelo’s Pieta, or Bernini’s baroque St. Theresa.

The Orthodox Church, on the other hand, “neglects” the world. It is non-judgmental about sinners. It gets wrapped up in its “smells and bells” worship. It has no sense — NO adequate sense, let me tell you (tho in today’s world, it begins mightily to try) — of organizational administration. But, it points to God constantly, in all kinds of guises, in icons, in Eucharist, in Theophany, in each of the great Feasts, in robust and historical and very human and very mystical (without being either smarmy or political) saints. And at Pascha, at PASCHA — and throughout the year, on every Sunday, redolent of Pascha — it points to God Incarnate, On the Cross, Descending into Hades, Resurrected from the dead, Ascended into Heaven, sitting in glory, Victorious. Suffering also, yes. Always with “great mercy” (we say “Lord have mercy” about a million times every Liturgy), always with calm tenderness (not emotional, not bloody), always glorious, always watching, even in the deepest, darkest moments of Holy Week or the funeral service. The Orthodox Church hardly ever points at itself, or at others (except to complain, usually bitterly, about some dogmatic, liturgical, historical or spiritual gaff); rather, at its best, the Orthodox Church always points to God. And it knows Him. Deep down in its heart and soul, in all its “patristic mind” and strength, it knows Him.

So that’s why I think, if what Church is all about is to get us to God, it is better to have a Church that is always infatuated with Him and always pointing at Him and always struggling to get there, and always looking to the saints who “got there,” never mind all its other faults, than to have a Church that keeps asserting its own truth, authority, infallibility, and so on — even if, technically, it has that truth — but that never quite really points to Him at all, being preoccupied with other things, or, that points to Him in a way that is decidedly uninviting (certainly to my weak heart).

Probably I do Catholicism an injustice. It’s a big, wide, complicated tradition. There’s always a huge gap between theory and practice.

And yes, I believe, God is everywhere, working among all His creatures, including everyone in both Churches, including even strange Christians in other denominations (about whom I bitterly complain), and in non-Christians and all creation as well. God doesn’t give up on any of it. He keeps trying to get all of it, everyone, to look to Him!

Tracy