Here is our task: having renounced ourselves, to remain ourselves, to realize God’s plan for us.

~ Alexander Elchaninov, Diary of a Russian Priest

Renounce, remain, realize. Why does this short saying speak volumes to me!?

Since coming into the Church I have felt like I’ve been pulling away from the world, from my long past lived outside the Church, from all my former ambitions and occupations, even to a certain extent from family and friends. I’ve always disliked the term “other-worldly” for the Church, but there sure is a sense in which one is called to be part of a different Reality from that which pervades the world. A sort of schizophrenia takes hold if you’re not careful. You’re never quite sure when you’re dreaming and when you’re awake, or who you are.

Fr. Elchaninov’s saying above speaks to this “schizophrenic” crisis to new life in Christ. To come into the Church IS to renounce ourselves, and especially to begin to struggle against that part of ourselves that is (overly) attached to the world (rather than to God). But once renunciation is well underway, or is complete (I’m not sure how far one has to go along that path), it’s necessary to remember that yes, indeed, we remain human beings, fallen human beings, with lives to lead, roles to play, responsibilities to live up to, all in the messy world outside the Church doors. God fully expects us to to live those lives, realize HIS plan for us in those roles, and be stand-up Christians who have seen the light shine in — who want the light to shine through brighter, everywhere.

It’s hard to discern sometimes what should be renounced and what should remain of ourselves in order to realize God’s plan for us. This is a toughie. But at least the goal is clearer to me now.